Falling into a Hole

I didn't but it kind of feels like I did.

Ever have one of those years when life gets very full and suddenly you realize that months have flown by and you haven't taken a breath in like 72 days and you're turning blue and that you are at the bottom of a hole but its not a hole really. Its piles of laundry, and to do lists, and emails and phone messages you haven't returned and doctor's appointments and swimming lessons and play dates and volunteer schedules and friends you haven't seen and conversations you haven't had and you're at the bottom of it and trying to find your way out. Ever have one of those years?

My name is Nichole and I'm a schedule-a-holic and procrastinator extraordinaire and I haven't blogged in 72 days.

I try to learn from life as much as I can and the most evident thing I have learned in the past couple of months is that things do not get easier the longer you put them off. Things do not fix themselves, clean themselves, tidy themselves or build themselves. Conversations don't happen on their own. Relationships don't grow untended. And time heals nothing on its own.

In order to improve things...anything...everything...you need to put some commitment and effort into it. When you push difficult situations or tough conversations off bad feelings and resentment can begin to grow just like a fungus and left to fester long enough all you will be able to see is the fungus. The original issue will be so covered and distorted that you won't even be able recognize it anymore. All you see is gross, smelly, negative fungus.

And then the real work begins.

It takes way more effort to peal back the layers of bad feelings than it would have to just deal with the original situation in the first place. Its not just the scraping away at the fungus of resentment that is hard work but its the planting and tending to the new growth of trust and respect that takes time, effort and commitment.

I had a teacher that used to say it is way more difficult to build a bridge than repair one. I get what he meant now.

So after a couple of months I have opened my eyes and found myself at the bottom of a fungus hole. And I need to get out. There are conversations to have, apologies to make and relationships to mend.

Moral of the story...don't let fungus grow...and certainly don't fall in!

The Messy Stuff

I have been blogging on and off for about three years. In past blogs I have written mostly about writing and the charitable work my husband and I have been involved in. Occasionaly I have shared thoughts on motherhood, wifedom and other random subjects but for the most part I have kept the 'messy' real life stuff off the 'professional' blog...well folks that ain't working for me!

In August 2007, in the midst of a near hellish year, my eldest son was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. That diagnoses coupled with the loss of two pregnancies and honest to goodness near death experiences for both my husband and I (he fell off our roof and landed on his head and my heart stopped during an apparently routine medical procedure) lead us to take a second look at our lives and how we were living them.

During the past 18 months we have made a lot of changes to how we live and what we do with our time but mostly how genuine we are about who we are. We are not perfect. We try to do what we feel is right, sometimes we succeed and sometimes we fail but mostly we land somewhere in the middle. We are people of faith but we know that having faith won't keep us from difficulties in our lives - it will only help us get through them.

So this blog this time around is about everything, but mostly its about the messy stuff.

Thanks for checking in and come back soon!