Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Falling into a Hole

I didn't but it kind of feels like I did.

Ever have one of those years when life gets very full and suddenly you realize that months have flown by and you haven't taken a breath in like 72 days and you're turning blue and that you are at the bottom of a hole but its not a hole really. Its piles of laundry, and to do lists, and emails and phone messages you haven't returned and doctor's appointments and swimming lessons and play dates and volunteer schedules and friends you haven't seen and conversations you haven't had and you're at the bottom of it and trying to find your way out. Ever have one of those years?

My name is Nichole and I'm a schedule-a-holic and procrastinator extraordinaire and I haven't blogged in 72 days.

I try to learn from life as much as I can and the most evident thing I have learned in the past couple of months is that things do not get easier the longer you put them off. Things do not fix themselves, clean themselves, tidy themselves or build themselves. Conversations don't happen on their own. Relationships don't grow untended. And time heals nothing on its own.

In order to improve things...anything...everything...you need to put some commitment and effort into it. When you push difficult situations or tough conversations off bad feelings and resentment can begin to grow just like a fungus and left to fester long enough all you will be able to see is the fungus. The original issue will be so covered and distorted that you won't even be able recognize it anymore. All you see is gross, smelly, negative fungus.

And then the real work begins.

It takes way more effort to peal back the layers of bad feelings than it would have to just deal with the original situation in the first place. Its not just the scraping away at the fungus of resentment that is hard work but its the planting and tending to the new growth of trust and respect that takes time, effort and commitment.

I had a teacher that used to say it is way more difficult to build a bridge than repair one. I get what he meant now.

So after a couple of months I have opened my eyes and found myself at the bottom of a fungus hole. And I need to get out. There are conversations to have, apologies to make and relationships to mend.

Moral of the story...don't let fungus grow...and certainly don't fall in!

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